Want to Sound More Interesting? Add More Contrasts
Contrasts are inherently engaging. Visual contrasts. Literary contrasts. Any kind of contrast. Humans are genetically programmed to notice anything conflicting or opposing.
New Book Announcement!
Tell Your Friends! I’m excited to announce my best book yet! Small Talk Rules represents my best tips from over 15 years of research and conversation analysis. A TON of work went into it and I know it will help 1,000s of people improve their social skills and social confidence. If you want to support …
You’re Probably Hiding Some of Your Best Small Talk Material
Mistakes, flaws, and gaffes, oh my! One of the reasons most people don’t embark on more social interactions is because they’re afraid of saying something “stupid” or making a mistake. For many years, I’ve studied the best conversationalists and what they do differently. Guess what? The best conversationalists don’t hide their flaws and imperfections—they embrace …
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Are You Boring People?
Boring people react seriously and stoically to everything. Admittedly, I am not an excitable person by nature. That doesn’t mean I don’t possess just as many emotions as the next guy.
You’ll Never Be Funny If You Can’t Do This
Laugh at yourself first. Yep, that’s it. Sounds simple, but it’s very hard for many people. If you’re too insecure or uptight, you’ll have a hard time making anyone laugh (even Jimmy Fallon—and he laughs at everything). Real-life Example: Jack: Wow, that’s an awesome tattoo. Jill: Thanks, my husband George actually drew it for me. …
The Two Levels of Likability
Have you spent a lot of time and money trying to be more likable? You’ve probably already learned that the efforts spent on improving your appearance, reputation, accomplishments, social skills, etc. don’t automatically result in increased likability. Likability is based on something more fundamental.
The Best Lesson Ever From My Friend Gordon
In my twenties, I had a friend named Gordon. I worked next to him at the mortgage office. One day, I noticed a photo of his beautiful wife and asked him how he met her. “I approached her at a country-western bar and we just clicked,” he casually replied. Astonished, I replied, “You just had …
The 3 Stages of Initiating Small Talk
I love games. Some games, like tennis, require a few attempts to really get going. Small talk is similar. Don’t get discouraged if your first comment or question doesn’t get returned as well as you’d hoped. A new conversation typically goes through three phases: 1) Starting, then 2) Moving, then 3) Flowing. Like tennis, sometimes …
You Need The Small Talk Mindset
Your expectations control your anxiety. If you’re always aiming for perfect, you’ll inevitably be disappointed when the conversation doesn’t go as planned. Over-analyzing every word will sabotage your small talk experiences. Lower the conversation bar and embrace the imperfect spontaneity of chit-chat. You may possess high standards for conversation. I did for years. If that’s …
The Silly Human Technique
Develop an eye for noticing subtleties in human behavior and appearance. Talk about the idiosyncrasies of the human condition.